The mind is a garden. How does yours grow?


Be Your Own Best Friend


Some say that a good friend is hard to find. I don’t think I agree. Here’s why:

I believe that there are countless numbers of kindred spirits to be “found” through common interests and mutual connections. But a friend is too complex to just simply be found... A friend must be made.

This is a recent epiphany of mine:

Anything I’ve ever made, including friendships, has been a direct reflection of myself.

The connections I’ve attracted and created throughout my life have served as a mirror. My external surroundings always match my internal state and the people around me shift as I change and grow. This got me to thinking...What is the quality of the only definite and infinite connection I have- My friendship with myself?

To make a good friend, you have to be a good friend and you cannot truly be a good friend to another if you are not first, friends with yourself.

The following are standout themes of my journey of “making” friends with me:

Spend quality time alone.

You can’t get to know someone you don’t even hangout with. Silence the social media, forget your phone at home, sit at a coffee shop and just BE. Being truly alone, without distraction is scary as fuck. There’s nothing to hide behind and you’re forced to face what you actually feel. But a good friendship would be nothing without authenticity of emotion. Authenticity leads to acceptance, which then leads to trust. Know and accept yourself by being brave enough to truly be alone.

See the good.

Quality time that is centred around criticism will never create a positive connection. What about yourself do you focus on the most? If it’s mostly your negative attributes, your self-friendship game is not strong. What do you love and admire within yourself? Write a detailed list and read it over every day. Acknowledging and appreciating the wonderfulness in another is a vital part of making a friend but is essential in creating a strong relationship with yourself. Goodness glints off of everything, once you know that YOU, in fact, are reflective.

Be honest with yourself.

While positivity and encouragement are vital to any friendship, a good friend will keep it real. The truest of friends can help uncover what you don’t want to see. It’s not easy to admit to your shortcomings, mistakes and flaws. Honesty often feels like an uncomfortable blast of cold wind but vigilant self-awareness and the confidence to make and take your own advice is a breath of fresh air. Love yourself enough to admit when something’s not serving your highest good.  

Speak with kindness.

What are you saying to yourself on a daily basis? If you were speaking in the same way to a best friend, how would those words make them feel? Observing the nature of my self-talk was shocking- I realized that some of the thoughts I directed at myself, I wouldn’t even wish upon my worst enemy. When I gave nothing but abuse to myself, my love and kindness for others came from a strained and limited supply. Forgive yourself. Be kind to yourself. Forget about treating others how you want to be treated and start by treating YOURSELF how you want to be treated. Only then will you actually have the energy to give to others.

Self-acceptance is not a destination, it’s a daily practise. Like any relationship, your relationship with yourself requires effort, attentiveness, patience and commitment. When you are comfortable and content with your own company, your external circumstances have no choice but to align. The fear of unmet expectations and disappointment can fall away when you take responsibility to supply YOURSELF with what you need. And from this place of self-sufficient contentment, you are magnetic to more of the same.